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me slaying the competition


When I was a kid my parents gave me the most awkward sex talk ever. They kept asking me what I knew about sex and I kept saying I didn’t know anything, like I was a Russian spy being asked to give up information on the KBG or something. Anyway, after a while of being interrogated and waterboarded, I started to think maybe I had sex accidentally and didn’t know about, and my parents knew and were trying to get me to fess up. So finally I said “If I plead guilty, can you reduce the time I’m grounded for?” 

And that’s when I knew I wanted to become a lawyer.

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